I think that I haven't been reli studying at all for 9 months that I'm beginning to feel (or had felt for a long time already) that I'm outliving my usefulness - to study. I guess that is the only thing that I can do that put some sense of usefulness in my life. Now that I'm no longer in school, life kinda moves sluggishly day after day. Not that I have nothing to do, mind you. My time is well spent getting stuff I need, spending more quality time with family and friends, and making sure that my baggage is not overweight. Still, after all that, i still kinda feel like there'ssomething more to accomplish... donno lar.
I suppose that it had just dawned on me that the semester will begin very soon, like in about 2 to 3 weeks. I no longer have to wait for months to get into a university. Finally, I suppose I'll be leaving very soon. Still felt like as if I have time to burn. Until Nigel kinda reminded me that I dont reli have much time left, and maybe it's high time i start bidding farewells to friends. 6 years are a long span of time.
Sometimes, I lie awake at night, kinda thinking about life ahead, how i'm going to handle all the responsibilities of living far away from home, and how my family is gonna adjust to the new surroundings when I'm no longer there. Nostalgic really, cos I am very closeto my family and I can't bear the thought that it will be months or perhaps years before I can get to see them again. Somehow, that thought bothers me, cos I'm not sure how fast can I get adjusted to not having my brothers around, or having dad do the cooking, or having mom to debate problems with.
But that aside, I suppose that the prospect of living somewhere with 4 seasons rolling, having to fend for myself, living in a foreign country where only 20% of the populace speaks English... I find that challenging and I'm yearning to experience that challenge. And the thought of finally being able to dig into thick books, and mounds of references.... oohh.... exciting. (Perhaps for now).
So here I am torn into two. Surely, I'll be missing close friends as well. Luckily, I have two trusted friends to accompany me in this exciting new adventure, KHai Fatt and Shuk Fan. I'll be missing some very close friends that I'll be leaving behind here... What bothers me is that whether the test of friendship can endure the challenge of space and time. I hope so,for I do not yearn to see this connection crumble. So much for my ramblings, and now, I can get some sleep. Good night everyone, and sleep well.